You’re Just Going Along, and then… Woah.Posted: March 27, 2014 Filed under: Down syndrome, emotional stuff, kids, personal growth, the future | Tags: disability, Down syndrome, pregnancy 58 Comments
Friends. I have some news.
A certain date came. And passed.
I scratched my head.
No, ahem, spontaneous behavior had occurred.
Peed on a stick, nothing. Waited a day, peed on another one. Nothing.
Then many more days passed.
Peed on another stick. Then I immediately peed on another stick.
I busted out of the bathroom in alarm, and Latke and I had a conversation that went something like this:
Me: Do you see this?????
Latke: See what?
Me: The two lines! I know it is faint, but loooook!!!
Latke: I don’t see two lines. What does two lines mean? Maybe the test is broken.
Me, thinking to myself: (Has this man not already had THREE children with me? How does he not know how these things work?)
Latke: Give me that thing, let me see.
Latke: I see two lines.
Me: Should I take another test in a few days?
Latke: Woman, are you kidding me? You’re two weeks late and you’ve spent like $45 on tests!
Me: Oooookay. I guess. I mean…
Latke: No, way!
And so, my friends, that is my news. I’m knocked up. With child. Bun in the oven. I’m. Pregnant.
I always wanted a big family. My mom comes from seven, and my dad from four. Latke’s mom comes from four. My brother and I are the only ones in our family and are eleven years apart. He and I passed like ships in the night for years. By the time I was done with being a self-centered teenager, he was ready to start. While I think we have come to have a pretty good relationship, I admit that I always envied families that had a lot of siblings close in age.
When Latke and I started having kids, I always joked to him that I wanted five. He only has one sibling as well, but didn’t see the need to reinvent the wheel there. Well, he got excited about three without much talk from me, and lately, he’d been into the idea of having more. I thought we were done when I was pregnant last time (I’m a horrendously grumpy pregnant woman), but of course, memory fades and there seemed to be someone out there, waiting for us.
Still, I never would have guessed that we’d come so close to that number five. It just isn’t really very common in my parts (the Bay Area crunchy parent set). And holy schmoly, four pregnancies in six years is no joke. My hot mommy bod is not feeling so hot.
Plus, there is the whole idea of having a child after already having one with a disability. I fully admit that I’m sensitive about this aspect of our pregnancy. It stings to think that people won’t be as excited for us, and I’m not naive to the fact that some people will think it is irresponsible for us to have another child after LP.
My answer is, please reconsider your feelings.
I guess I can see why people might raise an eyebrow but then again, judging a family based on disability or number of children sort of misses the point. Upholding an impossible (and maybe even damaging) standard of what a family should be isn’t what makes children grow up into good people. In my book, things like love, facing adversity, hard work, embracing interdependence, and empathy make good people. That happens with single parents, straight parents, gay parents, small and large families. I guess I wish the judgmental stuff weren’t so ubiquitous. And I know a lot of people try to hide it, but look y’all, it still shows. Let me just be real there.
I also know that most don’t share news like this so early on, because of the possibility of miscarriage. Well, what will be is meant to be, but I gotta have full latitude to complain about this pregnancy during the hardest part. I always get sick as a dog in the beginning, so the idea of pretending otherwise just doesn’t seem very fun at all. I’ve also got so much going around in my head about homebirth and prenatal testing, my head is spinning. I really feel the need to write about it, and I will, soon.
Ok. So there it is. I won’t lie, I was pretty darn shocked, but I’m also excited. And a little anxious, the idea of four seems like a big deal, and has brought up some feelings about LP’s diagnosis. I’ve been talking my friends’ poor heads off about this pregnancy, so they’ll probably be relieved that I just let the cat out of the bag and I can start talking to someone else. I love you, friends, you’ve been kind to me. I promise I’ll go annoy some new people now.
Congratulations! I am so happy for you! It will be a blast to see LP filling the shoes of a big brother.
Hearty congratulations to you and your husband, Jisun! What fantastic news! (I’m the youngest of a family of four and I can tell you that it’s a good place to be.)
I didn’t know that, so cool! I was so jealous of how the youngest in big families, it looks so fun!
Thanks, mama. :)
Wooohoooo for you. After the sick bits, of course. This is the second such announcement I’ve read in the blog world this week. And frankly, I’m very behind on my reading trying to catch up. Yea babies!
And a whole new dimension to the family. Frankly, LP was getting a little spoiled. He’s been a bit of a pill lately.
(you can hear me teasing you, right? Those hormones can play tricks. Uh, oh – am I pushing it?)
Love love love,
Haha. It is true! The kid thinks he rules the roost around here. Thank you for the laugh. :)
yeah, man, 4 kids in the bay area is like, 14 in other parts of the US… NUTS!!
but CONGRATULATIONS! I hope this one will be a smooth ride, filled with bountiful back rubs, fun and lots of good hormones :)
Exactly! I knew you’d understand the Bay Area vibe. I can’t wait for the comments when I’m showing and with all three kids out and about, oy.
Hm. Now I want a back rub…
The heart is an amazing muscle. It’s ability to expand is phenomenal. Yours is about to grow that much more. Congratulations!!!!
Amongst other things that will surely be expanding. ;) Thank you for the congrats!
Ha ha. Yes, more than my heart expanded by my third pregnancy!
I tired quickly of the “two hands two kids” comments some folks felt the need to tell me when I was pregnant with my third, had two kids in diapers, was old, and really had no money (what on earth would provoke them?) But then came a neighbour, whose face lit up when I told her I was pregnant again, and she said: “It’s great to be outnumbered by your kids.” I’ve never forgotten that!
Well I am very excited for you! Congratulations :) I always wanted 4, and that’s what I got. It’s been more work than I expected, but obviously I wouldn’t change a thing. Except maybe to have had them closer together…
I know, really close together, right? We always said it would be great to do this, but I didn’t expect them to be *quite* so close. :p
Wow! Great news! Congrats mama! :)
Thank you!! <3
Yay! So excited for you!! Welcome to the “Big Family” club! It’s actually quite awesome. There’s always judgment from others. We got a ton of “OMG you’re having ANOTHER one?!” when I was pregnant with my fourth. It can be quite insulting. I think if people are not helping raise my kids, or helping me pay for them, they can eff off with their opinions on how big or small my family should be!
Anyway, congrats on this little surprise baby of yours :)
Thank you, mama! In a weird way out makes me feel better hearing from other big families knowing they went through the same. I would definitely listen to opinions for say, gift cards and baby sitting. Just saying. ;)
Such amazing news! I have to admit I was making my afternoon-exhausted-mommy-coffee and needed to walk away half way through reading… the print had suddenly become blurry… It might have been because I had to flick away a few tears. ;) I’m so happy for you, Latke, and the spicy taters!
Aw, thank you! Love to you, mama. <3
Please don’t annoy anyone else. I live for this stuff! Plus I don’t seem like the only crazy lady with FIVE KIDS (what is she thinking)!?!!! Congratulations. I’m thrilled for you.
Haha! Be careful what you wish for! If ours are anything like your kiddos, I’ll be very pleased. :)
Congratulations to you all. What wonderful news. I am excited for you and looking forward to hearing your thoughts and plans re home birth and testing.
Thank you! Oh man. I have so many thoughts. By the end, I might bore y’all with the topic. ;)
Congratulations! We had our 5th after our 4th with multiple issues. Now they are 12 and 15. Mothering kids is always hard, you just do it. One day at a time. Buffer the joy – suckered and enjoy your family! I think the hardest part was seeing the younger one (3 years apart) pass up his sister in skills and eventually in growth. At the same time, that was balanced out with all the skills she learned by watching her little brother do things!
Anyway, congratulations and enjoy the journey!
Yes, I think about that for sure, when his little sibling might do things that he doesn’t. I bet the feelings are pretty complicated.
I admit, five has always been my number!
This is quite exciting. :)
Thank you! Definitely exciting. Amongst many other feelings, ha! :D
ha! I bet. :)
Finally!!!! I’m so thrilled for your family. We are surviving over here. You can too! ;) it’s good stuff
Surviving. That’s pretty much all I want. Not unreasonable, right??? :)
Lol! If I know you, you will do more than that ;)
So excited for you – congratulations! And a tad jealous, as I quietly love the concept of four… but I also love my husband and don’t want to get divorced anytime soon ;) Such wonderful news. Hope you and the littlest one stay well and happy and not too exhausted xx
Ooh, just in case that came out like 4 kids = divorce, that’s not what I meant… just that it may have done in our house so thought it best not to rock the boat ;)
Lol mummalove! Our 5th nearly pushed us over the edge! I totally get what you said! :)
Haha! Yes, I definitely knew what you meant. Those three that you have are pretty darn awesome though. They are going to grow up to be such wonderful brothers to each other. <3
I am the youngest of four and the favorite. :) Congratulations!!!!
Of course you are! You couldn’t NOT be the favorite! Thank you, mama. Love to you. xo
Congratulations! (and good luck to you in toughing it through these first crazy weeks. I’m all for announcing early, if you’re going to be sick you might as well be able to complain about it!)
Yes, I also announced my pregnancies early. I figured the folks I told would also be the folks I’d turn to for comfort should the pregnancy not go well. For pregnancy #3 I delayed telling my mom because she was against me having more kids (a long story). However, I have a history of doing what I want! My mother would corroborate that! la la
Congratulations and best wishes on increasing the kid count by 33%. If you have any trolls trying to post comments regarding your judgment in having a child after LP, please ask for names and addresses and I’ll start booking flights to visit with them in person.
Wow!! Congratulations! Big hug from across the Atlantic I wish you all the luck with your pregnancy… hope you won’t be getting too much of the early-morning-sickness and feeling-completely-wasted-by tiredness bits. ;-) No, honestly, I wish you a great pregnancy and a happy baby!
Congratulations! Your news is awesome and I hope you enjoy every moment of this special news. Some ignorant people may pass judgement because of their own fears of what they cannot handle themselves;)
Jisun, Whoa!!! Congrats, girl! I am a tad jealous as well, but I also know that 3 was our number. I once wanted to have 5 kids and having an emergency c-section for my first child sealed the deal, I guess. Best wishes from Chicago and I am so happy for you guys!
Oh my this is good news! Congratulations! This is so exciting! One more and I will welcome you to the mom of fives club! But 4 is awesome! So happy for you!
Congrats girl, so happy for you! Welcome to the world of those crazy enough to have at least 4, it’s a wonderful chaotic world to be in! So happy for you!
congrats!! i read this post a long time ago and thought i commented, but i hadn’t. may God bless you during your pregnancy and hope everything goes smoothly with no complications. super happy for your great news! =D
Congratulations!! A new life is always a good thing, always an adventure, always a sign of limitless possibility! I wish you an easy pregnancy (IS there such a thing?), an easy delivery and abundant joy all around!
Well, that’s gotta be better than being a horrendously grumpy pregnant man!
Ha! Ha! I loved the story of your hubs and two lines. We were so surprised with our second (there’s 6 years between our two) and I remember it like it was yesterday. I’m so excited for you!!
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